Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
