were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
