just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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