I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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