Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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