just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
