he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
