I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
