Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
