You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
