Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
