Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
