i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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