I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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