So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
