He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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