how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
