Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
