Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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