why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
