Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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