is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
