so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
