i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
