i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
