The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
not ubering you a puppy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
