dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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