Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
