My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
