Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
