I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
