that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
