YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize