oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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