Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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