I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
