Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
