I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
