If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
