ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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