I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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