Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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