There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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