nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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