How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
