tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
