He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
