and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
as a side note pls kill me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
