i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
