I seem to have left my pride at pride
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
