Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just threw up on my dentist
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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