have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
