Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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