I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
