google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
