dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
