yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we're making bets on your personal life
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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