You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
