She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
